Laugh Out Loud
Sleeping Late
I’ve made a new discovery. It’s called Sleeping Late. It happened by accident, like most bolts of genius. I dragged myself out of bed at my regular time, 6am, and stumbled into the kitchen. After making the lunches and getting the kids off to school, I sat down to read the paper. My leg encountered something wet, and I slid off the chair to find a milk saturated square of cereal stuck to the seat fabric. I decided to read on the sofa. After a few minutes, my feet were cold so I pulled the blanket over me. That was the last thing I remember.
Next, the clock read 8:30. I had slept two extra hours. I felt fantastic, albeit a little embarrassed, as if the dog cared about my sudden lapse into laziness. “Now I know how you feel,” I scratched his head as I walked to the counter.
There are so many wonderful things about Sleeping Late. First, you can read the newspaper without squinting. At 8:30, your brain can follow complex subject matter without re-reading whole sections for clarity. Coffee tastes better when you’re well rested. As a special treat I heated the creamer in the microwave and poured it into my cup mimicking the moves of a flamboyant waiter who served us café au lait in Paris long ago. While my toast browned, I watched a woodpecker attack the thick trunk of the tree in the back yard. Was this the same sound that drove my husband to throw open the bedroom window and scream: “Stop that hammering!”? The rat-a-tat-tat seemed downright musical today.
I went upstairs to get dressed and was astonished at what I saw in the mirror. At 6am, I look like unmolded clay. My face is creased and misshapen, lined from the pillow and from age. Even the dog does not have the courage to look at me. But at 8:30, I look positively human. My skin is flesh-toned, and my eyes are actually open with a fair amount of healthy white sclera showing. The gray crescents that usually hover above my cheekbones miraculously evaporated somewhere in between 6am and 8:30. I did not require cover-up makeup after Sleeping Late.
I checked my calendar and transcribed the details of the day’s necessities. I gave the dog an extra Milkbone before leaving for work. On the highway, I slowed down to let a car merge in front of me. At lunch, I made all the calls on the list brought from home without banging the phone on my desk while navigating voice mail mazes, and took a brief walk to see the Cherry Blossoms. After work, I went to the gym, picked up a few groceries, and even collected the dry cleaning.
It’s now 8:30 pm, and I’m going strong. Who cares if “the early bird gets the worm?” I never liked worms anyway.
I am considering setting my alarm clock for 8:30 every morning.
I think I’m on to something.
Essays have recently been published in the following media:
- New York Times, "Modern Love," September 2007
- Metro Families Magazine, "You've Just Gotta Laugh," September 2007
- Southern Humor Magazine, "Laugh Out Loud," Summer 2007 +
